Lonesome Tonight

I felt a little down today and I'm not sure why. I've thought about my brother today. My older brother Neil died on February 13th 1994. He was only 50 years old when he died. He leaned a little toward melancholy and he seemed to struggle to find his footing at times. He was several years older than me and he moved away from home while I was still in high school. He lived in Indiana and California for a while but he missed my Mamma's cornbread and came on back home to live around Dora.
He was the first born and my mom and dad cut him very little slack as he was growing up. My first night home after I got out of the military in 73, he took me bar hopping in Birmingham. I don't remember much about that night, but he said I had a great time. We didn't hang out together enough.
Neil was quite and a bit of a loner. It seemed to me that he spent his life looking for something that he never found. I don't know what it was and the fact is I'm not sure he could have told me himself. We were never as close as the brothers on the Walton’s, but he was always there and I could always count on him to come if ever I called.
Sitting here thinking about my big brother, I miss him a great deal and I guess that's why I feel a little lonesome tonight.