Getting Older

There was an old Garth Brooks song that went something like this - “I am way too young to feel this dang old.” Nowadays, it seems like I’m living that song.

My eyes are going, I’m half-deaf, my teeth seem to be getting dull, and if it weren’t for my ears, I wouldn’t have any hair growing at all. If that’s not bad enough, my knees make squeaking sounds in the morning.

An optimist would say – “well, at least you have your mind.” Think again bubba, because there are times when my elevator is a few shingles shy a roof. Some days I spend half of my waking hours looking for my car keys and the rest of the time trying to remember what I’m looking for.

There’s one thing about it, I’m not alone. My wife Jilda is almost as bad. She has to borrow my glasses to find her own. Neither of us know within a mile of where we ate last.

She got verification recently that her medications had been shipped. As she was reading the confirmation email, I could tell she was visibility agitated. "They are shipping my medications from Mexico! Why on earth would they be shipping drugs from Mexico?" She wailed. "There should be a law against that. How can they monitor quality control?”

I heard what she was saying but it didn't make sense. I stepped over to the computer to see if I could solve the mystery when she said – Oh…..it's not Mexico, it's Medco (Medco is our new online pharmacy). She laughed so hard she almost spewed coffee on her computer screen. I thought it was pretty funny too.

But I’ve been known to jumble up a word or two as well. A few days after the Medco incident, I needed to renew some of my meds as well. When I looked at the cost of the brand name drugs, I discovered they were more expensive than a flat screen TV. I decided to call the online pharmacy to see what my options were. “Does this come in a geriatric?” There was a pause on the other end and I could tell the woman was suppressing a laugh – “Do you mean a generic?” she asked. “Yes, generic” I barked. Jilda was sitting nearby howling with laughter. I covered the mouthpiece and hissed, “IT’S NOT NICE TO MAKE FUN OF OLD PEOPLE!” This only made it worse.

When I first started getting the AARP magazine, I was shocked. “Why are they sending me a magazine for old folks?” I bemoaned. Now that I have come to terms with aging, my only complaint is that the print in the magazine is not two sizes larger.

Getting older is not all bad. I think I’ve become wiser. I choose my battles more carefully now. I don’t get worked up over things that simply don’t matter.

I’ve learned that oftentimes when people want to talk to you about their problems, they really just need you to listen.

When you’re young, you believe you know everything. When you get older, you understand that the more you learn about life, the more you realize you don’t know squat.

Anyone who is old enough to get discount coffee at McDonalds knows that life is a test. The good thing about getting older is that you’ve seen most of the questions before.