Daylight-Savings Time

Why is the government fooling with my alarm clock.? Can someone answer that for me? I am one of the most normal people I know, except for twice a year. In March when we go to daylight-savings time, and November when we go back to regular time. I get crazy because it messes with my internal clock and I am not happy.

Before we got all modern and what not, we woke up with the chickens and went to bed when it got too dark to work. Most of the money spent on energy, was for candles and feed for the horses. Then someone invented light bulbs and TV’s. I think the world has gone to “Arkansas in a handbasket” ever since.

I am not sure when the concept of daylight savings time was dreamed up, but I first heard of it back in 1974 when Nixon was in the White House. There was a gas shortage and long lines at the gas pumps. I’ve always believed moving the hands of the clock backwards and forwards to save energy was a big sham, dreamed up by a team of over-paid government consultants hired to "think outside the box." They must have been thinking WAY outside the box.

Suggesting that we fund alternative sources of energy, like wind or solar power, would have been a waste of time. That makes too much sense. The oil companies, which have been pulling strings in Washington since the invention of cars, would have tarred and feathered the whole kit and caboodle. “If you develop all that clean energy, there is no way we can hold Americans hostage for the next fifty years. We’d have to use something other than $100 bills to light our cigars!”

The consultants probably contemplated the challenge of how to save energy for months, with all of their ideas smelling worse than an outhouse in August.

Once they milked as much moolah as possible out of the government, one of the consultants, giddy with the lack of sleep and cranked up on high-octane coffee, came up with idea for daylight-savings time.

On a dare, they offered this idea to Nixon; "Bare with me Dick, because it gets complicated," they managed to say without spewing coffee on the Oval Office carpet. "Every year during the spring, we move the clock forward one hour, and each fall we move it back an hour. That way, the public stays disoriented and confused because they get less sleep. It will take a while to get used to the time change and therefore save money on heating and cooling,” they explained with straight faces. “When they become accustomed to the time,” they continued, “we’ll change it back." Nixon bit, and I’ve been cussing him ever since.

I bet those consultants laughed hysterically when the check from Uncle Sam cleared the bank.

I’m guessing that same firm set to work immediately on revising the U.S. tax code.

I hope the new president pulls the plug on daylight-savings time and has the really smart people come up with new, clean ways to generate energy that don’t affect my sleep!