Mistake in Christmas Planning ~ my column from Sunday's Paper

I made a Christmas planning faux pas this past week. It was a grievous error that will be hard to forget. Scheduling oral surgery during the Christmas holidays seemed smart. Insurance deductibles and the fact that the college is out for Christmas figured into the decision. I’d have time to recover without missing any work, I thought. The surgery on Thursday, and by Saturday things would be hunky-dory. But I was wrong.

Just after surgery as I drifted back into consciousness, I heard the nurse talking with Jilda in hushed tones. She was going over all the things I could expect over the coming days and weeks. There was something about soft foods until after the first of the year.

Trying to wrap my addled mind around the conversation proved too difficult, so I took a nap instead. I’d barely stopped drooling from the anesthesia when they wheeled me toward the car in a chair. “Do you want me to drive?” I asked helpfully. Jilda and the nurse snorted with laughter, but I didn’t get it.

I had not eaten since the night before, and although the surgery was early, I was starved. We’d pass many fast-food places on the way home, and I wondered if we’d be stopping at Arby’s or Mickey D’s for some breakfast. But thoughts moved through my brain like snails on pain meds and the words would not come, so I took a nap.

It wasn’t until I got home and Jilda warmed up a bowl of oatmeal that I realized she had not picked up a Big Mac and fries for me.

The weight of my planning error didn’t hit me full force until the next day when Jilda went over the routine I’d be following for the next two weeks. No solid food. This meant no roasted peanuts, no pecan pie, no cornbread and no turkey and dressing unless it was first pureed in the Vita-Mix turning it into a kind of warm salty Jell-O. Yum.

Apparently, the four extractions, two bone grafts, and two implants meant it would be weeks before I could munch on chips and salsa. I’m pretty sure corn nuts were on the list of forbidden foods too.

Christmas for me is not about gifts. With no children of our own, Jilda and I pretty much save our money and buy the things we want all year long. We don’t have to wait for the holidays to gift ourselves. Christmas for me is about the get-togethers with families and friends. And it’s also about the food.

Typically, during the holidays, I’ll gain about five pounds. Losing the Christmas weight is always near the top of my New Year’s resolutions. But five days after surgery, and four days before Christmas, I’ve lost eight pounds.

Who knew that foregoing fatty foods, adult beverages, and desserts would make the weight fall off your frame effortlessly?

I took courses on planning and time management while working for MaBell. I carry a daily planner around like a preacher with a Bible. In the planner are events scheduled into the first quarter of next year with dates, times, and things I’ll need to take with me. But sitting here this evening while Jilda whips up a batch of scrambled cheese eggs for supper, I realized I still have a lot to learn about planning. One thing I did learn is: It will be a long time before I schedule elective surgery during the holidays.

To my readers, please be kind and don’t post your Christmas food pictures on Facebook.

I hope you all have a very Merry Christmas.